A drive

So today, I drove back to Sibu because I wanted to eat Sushi King Bonanza.  Oh my goodness.  I love eating sushi so much and I love having such a deal on the nicest sushi I can find in Sibu.  Which is no big deal because there are just two places serving sushi in Sibu.

And by the way, I was kidding.  Honestly, I went back because I wanted  to see you.  To meet you.  To hug you.  

Sushi doesn’t matter much to me.  If I were to choose between you or sushi, of course I would choose you.  The last few days, we had such a huge fight.  And I am worried actually if you are okay.  

Do you remember last time, I also wanted to go back Sibu on weekdays?  Those times were also when we fought.  Because I can’t stand to leave you alone after we fight.  I know you won’t be okay so I want to be there for you.

To be honest, yes it is tiring for me.  Driving nearly 6 hours to and fro.  Driving in the rain.  Driving in the dark.  But do you know?  If I had to do it again, I won’t hesitate to do it.  Because it is worth it.  For you, everything is worth it.

I hope you are really happy to see me.  I hope you feel blissful that I am there for you, even if just for 4 hours.  

I love you, my dear.  And if I have to cross the ocean to meet you, I will.

In between a game of badminton

What does driving and plating badminton has in common? They require utmost concentration. If I don't focus in driving, I will die. If I don't focus on badminton, I lose.

What does washing dishes and cleaning my house have in common? They are such mundane tasks, I can do them without much concentration.

What am I trying to say?

There are times when I absolutely need to drive or play badminton. Sometimes I really need to take a long drive all the way to KK. Because those are the times when I am very down and depressed, and I know that no matter how much I think about my troubles, I won't solve it. So I just need to forget about them. By doing something that requires my utmost concentration.

There are times when I absolutely need to clean my house or wash the dishes. Those are the times when I am very troubled, but I need time to think. I believe that when I do extremely mundane tasks, I will free up my mind to think about my troubles.

Just now, I played badminton but somehow I thought a lot. Maybe that's why I lost. Because somehow now, I can't concentrate.

老婆... If you will still have me, I want to continue being with you. I still wanna marry you. And I still wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Because truly, I'm sorry. And I want to apologise for scolding you. For being emotional this few days. For forgetting stuff.

Please forgive me. I want to love you more. I want to try harder. I want to make notes and take ginkgo to improve my memory.

I love you, 老婆.

Blame

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-blame-game/201303/5-ways-blaming-hurts-relationships

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201302/stop-the-blame-game-in-your-relationship

I saw an angel

When you walked out to my car, my heart skipped a beat. I never thought I would see such a beautiful sight. Even more unbelievable that you are my girlfriend and my future wife. I'm so happy to see you. Did you realise? Every time I see you, I smile... Because when I see you, I can't help but smile.

Today I was held back late. But in the end, even though I know I will be very late, I still want to come back because I want to see you. I wanna meet you. I wanna hug you.

Seeing you will make me so so happy.

I'm quite tired also now... I love you my dear. Please always be with me.

The spark that lit the fire

I still find it hard to believe that I am in a relationship with you after 105 days.  And I keep wondering how do I make this last?  I guess it’s quite simple really.  To fulfill my promises and always care about you, always love you, always pamper you.

I will try to always do that.

Today, I was marking a lot of papers on my table and I advertently saw the note you left for me.  Do you remember?  I can’t help but think that if you had not written that note for me, I might never have had the courage to confess my love for you.  And we would never have gotten this far.

Its weird really.  In the beginning, I was even a bit worried and scared.  I didn’t know how it would be like to date you.  I didn’t know if we can get along.  And I didn’t know if we would last.

But now, I have had you in my life for all this time and I can’t imagine what my life would be without you.  I just want you to be with me all the time.  I just want to be with you.  I want you in my life. 

Around 3 months ago, I couldn’t imagine how it would be like to be with you.  Now, I can’t imagine my life without you.  I wonder how my life changed so much and so quickly?

It all started with these three pages.  Thank you for leaving this note for me.  I love you.

Long distance

Today I was depressed. I don't know why but I just miss you so much. I wish I could be with you right now and hugging you. Because today I really think of you so much.

I would like to think that recently, I have become much more secure and less depressed. But there are days like today that prove me wrong.

Long distance relationships are very hard to maintain. But I guess there are those who make it work because they love each other very much and trust each other very much.

I hope even though we are not considered very long distance, we can make things work. It's especially hard when we have issues, or if I feel depressed. Because we can only call or text and those are not good ways to communicate.

I hope I can always be with you when you are depressed because I know that is the only way to help you. But for now, please bear with me. I hope you will always be there for me too when I need you.

This is how we will make our long distance relationship work.

I love you. Now and always.

The silence of the moment

Last night, when we were walking out of Giant, towards my car, I had a sudden realization hit me.  I had a very strong epiphany and the reality just hit me so strongly. 

At that very moment, I looked over to you and…  Do know how people say that when you are in love, you just see the person you love, while everything else just becomes blurry.  That’s what I saw at that moment.

When I looked at you, I saw you clearly, focusing only on you.  I felt everything that we have gone through so far.  And the reality that you are my girlfriend, my future wife, hit me hard.   And I felt an overwhelming sense of love and happiness.

I felt so blissful at that moment.  You were holding my hand, you were smiling and you were so cute at that moment and I felt so blissful.

Thank you, my love for being in my life.  Thank you for being with me all the time.  Thank you for caring for me when I am unwell.  You are the love of my life.

I will always love you, and I will always care for you.  Please always be there for me like that.  You are an angel sent to me.  Thank you.