So here I am again. Long after I deleted my blog. Because now I am reaching a crossroad in my life again. Those who know me will know that I only write blogs when I am facing great uncertainty and confusion.
More than two years ago, I was posted to Daro. A little town in the middle of nowhere. And despite all my complaints and groans, I am actually relieved to be posted there. Why? Because it gave me a chance to let go of the past that has hurt me so badly. It was my chance to move on. I believed that time will heal all pain and that was exactly what I will get in Daro.
While I was in Daro, I thought I found my true love. But it turned out to be fake. I was deluded for a while thinking that it might last forever. And once again I felt so hurt.
That was when I realise that pain was destined to find me everywhere. There was no escaping it. Because pain will come together with love. I might have to risk facing pain a thousand and one times in order to find my true love.
Which is why I am risking it now. Because I should never stop trying. Even if the first one thousand times it ends up with heartbreak. I still believe that the one thousand and one time is the correct time.
She was right. As I was trying to forget my pain, I forgot all about myself. I drowned so deeply in my pain that I ignored myself. Physically and mentally.
Now I need to take care of myself. If I couldn't love myself, how do I expect anyone to love me? I will start loving myself. Start by getting rid of my weaknesses. I know my own weaknesses already. But my weakness is the inability to get rid of my weaknesses. Now I must change.
And I hope that this time, I find my true love. My soul mate. God please help me find my true love. If this time I was wrong too, please let me down easy. And bless my journey to find my love. Thank you God.
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