My heart

If being in a relationship is considered a gamble, then loving someone would definitely be a risk.  And I have been taking a big risk these past few weeks.  I am letting myself fall deeper and deeper in love with you.  Looking back, I realise that there is also a reason why I never want to let myself fall so deeply in love.  It is because the deeper I fall in love, the more of my heart I hand over to you, the easier it is to feel hurt.  Even the smallest and tiniest matters can cause a bleed in my heart. 

I know you care so much about me.  And I know you worry about me a lot.  And I know I like to procrastinate and I always forget about stuff.  Which is why I understand why you are often worried about me.  You are worried I would forget something important.  And I really appreciate it when you remind me about things.

Sometimes though, I hope you don’t remind me so often.  Don’t get me wrong.  I like how you care so much about me.  And you understand me so well, so you remind me about things.  But there are reasons why I never talked to you about work, or my assignments.  We are often very busy.  I always have stuff to worry about, like school work and assignments.  And yes, they often cause me to be stressed.  But spending time with you, talking to you, chatting with you, is my way of dealing with the stress.  Just chatting with you makes me feel better.  Talking to you, I can forget about my worries and my stress. 

Which is why when I am talking to you or chatting with you, I just want to focus on you and think about you.  I don’t want to think about other stuff.  It doesn’t mean that I ignore all my work and assignments.  I still remember them and do them when we finish talking or chatting.  Even if it is just for a few minutes, or half an hour, please just let me enjoy our time together. 

Please don’t take our time together away.  Or bring our outside work into our relationship.  I hope when we talk, chat or spend time together, we are just focused on each other.  We already have such a busy life.  And we have so many worries already.  And we are so far from each other.  So when we do have time together, let us spend that time just enjoying each other’s company, forgetting about other stuff okay?  We can get back to our lives when we spent our time together. 

The reason I am telling you this is because I love you very much.  And I have surrendered my heart to you.  If you choose, you can pierce it every day.  You can hurt me every day and torture me all the time.  But I love you, and I trust you.  And I hope you will understand how I feel.  So let us be even closer than ever before.  Let our relationship grow stronger okay?