Short update

So, after I completed my assignments, suddenly I feel so free.  Like I can actually do anything I want.  Yesterday, when I first saw your hair, I was surprised.  But don’t think that I don’t like it.  I actually do.  Because you do look very pretty.  Before this you looked more elegant and beautiful, now you looked more perky and cute.

Please understand.  You are my wife.  And I love you… You are and forever will be the most beautiful girl in my eyes.  No matter what hairstyle you have, no matter what clothes you are wearing. 

I love you my dear.

After the storm passed

I have forgotten to write my blog for a few weeks.  I’m sorry.  I guess we both have been so preoccupied with things.  We went to Bali.  I rushed my assignment.

Today, after finishing my assignments, I felt so relieved.  Because I was afraid I won’t make it in time. 

I have a few things I wanted to say.  First of all, I really enjoyed our trip.  Bali?  Probably not as heavenly as I thought it was.  Food was spicy.  Place was crowded.  Traffic was crazy.  But do you know why I enjoyed?  Because I was with you.

You know that I am afraid of new things.  Afraid of change.  But with you, I feel much more comfortable.  More confident.  And I feel like I am willing to go through all of it with you.

Next, thank you for trying to save money.  By having pre-wedding photography on our own.  I know you did it because you wanted to help me save.  I’m sorry.  Thank you for being so understanding. 

Lastly, I am very happy with how our photos turned out.  It was even more beautiful than I thought could be.  I’m sure after a bit of editing, it would look nice.  Thank you for taking those pictures with me.

My dear, thank you for going with me to Bali.  I love you…

Change

Today is the last day for me in Daro.  And it still feels so weird and like a dream.  In fact, I am almost unable to accept that I won’t be spending the next month and more not being in this living room, not sleeping in my bed, not making coffee in the kitchen.

Have you ever had that kinda Stockholm Syndrome, where you really hated a place very much but when you are going to leave that place, you suddenly feel hesitant?  I’m sure everyone has felt that.  And it is perfectly natural.

I think that everyone is afraid of change.  A lot of people say that they are not afraid of change, they are open to new ideas and activities, but they are lying.  They are just afraid of change in other aspects of their life.

Why am I saying this?  Because I am afraid of change too.  I am a small village kid who is afraid of trying new things and diverting from his own routines.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not that I will resist change.  If I have no choice but to change, then I will change.  But if I can make do without changes, I won’t.

During my university life, I was much more susceptible to change.  Because I was experiencing something new almost every day.  But now, after seemingly settling down in Daro for 2 years, I seem to have gotten used to the laziness and slow-paced life.

So you are wondering, why am I saying all this?  What’s my point?

My point is that when it comes to something new, please help me.  Please accompany me as I go through whatever it is that is new to me.  If I am afraid, please comfort me.  Please be patient with me and not scold me. 

I will always love you.

Nervousssss

So I haven’t updated my blog in a while.  And I guess I am happy nowadays.  Last Saturday, you met my parents.  Trust me, they liked you.  You don’t know them yet, but I can tell you that they are quite warm towards you.  If they do not like you, they will be extremely polite to you.  But they seem to let their guard down with you, which is a very good sign.  Trust me.

Did you know?  I was really nervous too.  Because you may not realise it, but this is the first time I have ever brought a girl to meet my family.  And the first time, you are meeting my parents and my sister together.  I was hoping that you can meet my parents first, then, my sister.  Because my sister can sometimes be blunt and straightforward.

I was so surprised that my sister seems okay with you, even though she didn’t talk much to you.  But I can see that she is okay with you.

And honestly, things have been moving really fast for me.  Because like I said before, I never talked to my parents about any relationship I had before.  You are the first.  And now, you already met my parents.  Like what???

I hope you like my family.  Because well, they are my family and I can’t escape them, even after we get married.  And I really hope they love you too.  Because I felt that your mother never really loved you that much, so I really hoped my mother can love you in return.

To answer your question, I will marry you.  Of course I will.

And yes, I was so so so nervous on Saturday too.  But I am glad we did it.  And I’m glad they liked you.

I love you.  Let us start a family together.

Part 2

So this morning, I had the weirdest dream.  You ever had the type of dream that started off as a nice romantic tale, then it morphed into something dark?  That was the dream I had. 

So, bla bla, you already know about the wedding.  How we said our vows, and we were married.  And we left.  And at the lobby of the hotel, I asked my dad if I am making the right decision.  And he said that we never know which is the right decision, so we should always be confident and believe that the decision we make is the right one.

Then, he showed me this 98^th floor, which is like an abstract world.  Almost like I am seeing the world as an abstract painting.

And he told me various stuff.  And while looking, we saw a monster running around at a park.  Its big and huge.  And it was running on all four legs.  Somehow or another, we decided to chase it.  I don’t remember how we got down there, but after a while, we were chasing it.

Now, it seems like a stupid idea because well, it was a monster.  And we had no weapons or skills that can save us.  But we just chased it, through a few neighborhoods.

Until finally, we chased it down and attacked it with a stick (stupid).  And the monster got infuriated and pounced on me.  About to eat me.  And I woke up.

Come to think of it, it looked kinda like one of the mini bosses of Final Fantasy 8.  Catoblepas.  Just for reference, here is a picture of it.

What a weird dream.  I completely forgot about my wedding reception and chased after a monster with no weapon, ending up with me getting eaten, hours after I got married.  I didn’t even get to consummate my wedding.  Stupid me.

Anyway, just sharing this dream with you.  I hope our wedding is wonderful.  With no monsters.

I love you, my dear.

A dream

Last night, I was really so tired.  I felt so unwell.  So I didn’t write anything.  So this morning, I wanted to write something.

Last night (or early this morning) I had a dream.  I dreamt about our wedding again.  This time, it was different.  I remember much clearer this time.

We were somewhere.  It looks like a church but doesn’t seem to be.  Probably a small church.  I was waiting in front of the aisles for you.  The organist starts to play wedding bells and I watch the front door for you.

After a few minutes, you still didn’t appear.  I became worried.  I started thinking.  Maybe you changed your mind.  Maybe you decided you didn’t want to marry me after all.  Oh no!

But luckily you came in. and you walked all the way to the front.  And I hold your hand.  And we said our vows.  And we got married.  And I kissed you.

Then, we left because the wedding ceremony is over.  We were preparing for dinner. 

I remember in my dream, I was alone with my dad.  And I asked him, “Do you think I made the right decision?”

And he replied, “You never know if it is the right decision.  You just accept it as right.”

*** SPOILERS – THIS DREAM BECOMES FREAKING WEIRD***

He brings me to the elevator in the hotel (we were having a reception in the hotel).  He pressed 98 floor and we went up.  Once the door opened, I could see the whole world.  But not normally, like everything was in abstract form.  Like a painting?

He said, “When your mind is at peace, it is like this now.  It is slow and beautiful.  But if your mind is troubled, the world will be hideous and chaotic.  When you want to think, you can come here and calm down.  This used to be my personal space, but I give it to you now.”

Then, things became even weird.  There was a monster.  And stuff.

I love you.  I hope our wedding will be happy and cheerful.

Coming weeks

Today, you drew on my arm.  Actually, I don’t mind that.  I don’t mind you drawing a small heart.  But please don’t get carried away okay?  Don’t draw something huge on my arm please?  I’m not scolding you oh.  Because I do like that you are naughty and playful.  But just not too much okay?

Today seems like a very long day.  I am quite tired…  Maybe I need more rest.

I am uncertain about our coming weeks.  Seems like a lot of things packed in.  I feel a bit overwhelmed.  Next week you are meeting my parents.  The following week, we are going to Bintulu.  The week later, I must finish all my assignments.  Then soon, we are going to Bali.

I guess I’m just hoping that everything is fine.  I just hope everything is perfect.  I don’t want to be too tired that I cannot enjoy our times.

I love you, my dear.  I hope we can enjoy all our times.